Let’s Talk: Panic Attacks

 

In today’s post, I am going to share my experience with panic attacks. If you are sensitive to this topic, please exit this page.

 

Before I begin, I feel that it’s incredibly important that I make a few things clear.

The first thing, is that up until an hour ago, I didn’t particularly want to write this at all.

Even though I know that a few of my light-hearted self-confidence chats have helped some of my readers, sharing my most terrifying and debilitating struggle with (potentially) the entire population of the world is extremely daunting and doesn’t feel particularly natural.

The second thing, is that up until an hour ago, I was incredibly afraid that this post wouldn’t be received well.

Even though experiencing panic attacks isn’t pleasant, there are millions of people across the globe who have FAR WORSE problems, and the last thing I want to do is complain or for you to think that I’m writing this for attention or pity (because frankly, that’s the last thing I want).

But then, I realised that everything I was thinking, is completely against everything I stand for.

One of the reasons that mental health problems are so detrimental, is that people fear that if they talk about their struggles, they will be treated differently or that everything they are going through will been seen as completely invalid.

If opening up about this encourages a single one of you to open up to somebody you know about your own struggles, then this will be completely worth it. And that is the only reason that I am writing this.

 

One final note before we get into it:

I kindly ask that you refrain from congratulating me for sharing this story or calling me ‘brave’. I appreciate all of the feedback that I receive and welcome any comments you have, but I don’t want me to overtake the point of this post.

With that said, here we go.

 

What is a panic attack/panic disorder?

According to Beyond Blue, a panic attack is a short period of time during which “you’re suddenly overwhelmed”, with symptoms including:

• “A sense of overwhelming panic or fear”
• “The thought that you’re dying, choking, ‘losing control’ or ‘going mad'”
• “Increased heart rate”
• “Difficulty breathing (feeling that there is not enough air)”
• “Feeling choked”
• “Excessive perspiration”
• “Dizziness, lightheadedness or feeling faint”
• “Derealization”

“Up to 40% of the population will experience a panic attack at some time in their life.”

Panic disorder is one step further than a panic attack, and (in simple terms) occurs when panic attacks are “recurring and disabling”.

For more information on panic disorder, head over to Beyond Blue’s page or check out Kati Morton’s video.

 

What is the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack?

According to an article by HealthLine (which you can read by clicking here), there is a very simple difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack.

Panic attacks “come on suddenly and involve intense and often overwhelming fear”, and are accompanied by “frightening physical symptoms”. To put it simply, they happen for (usually) no particular reason.

An anxiety attack, on the other hand, is something that varies depending on who is experiencing it, and rather than being ‘sudden’, it is “usually related to the anticipation of a stressful situation, experience, or event” and builds slowly.

 

My History of Panic Attacks

I still remember my first panic attack as clear as day.

Cross country day. Age 10.

I have NEVER been good at sport, so naturally, I ended up finishing the race pretty much dead last, as all of my friends had powered ahead and I was left on my own.

I wasn’t enjoying myself at all, but through sheer determination, I made it through the tough part without any hiccups.

However, the second that I emerged from the wilderness and saw the school (and all of my peers playing as they waited for all the stragglers to finish), my heart went from what felt like 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. The closer and closer I got, the more that I struggled to breathe, and the more lightheaded I became; to the point where I felt as though I was going to faint (or die). So I slowed down to a stop, knowing that this wasn’t a normal feeling.

A teacher from one of the neighbouring schools was standing near the gate, and I approached her, saying that something was wrong. Immediately, she completely dismissed me. She told me to stop complaining and keep running, and in essence, wouldn’t let me stop to catch my breath.

I spent the rest of the afternoon by myself, because I was afraid that I would be made fun of for being a slow runner, and that nobody would believe that what had happened wasn’t a result of my poor motor skills.

After that, I didn’t have a panic attack until I was in Year 9.

During that year, I had experienced a loss in my family, I’d been isolated from my only friend group, and I was being (mildly) bullied.

For a matter of months, the attacks would happen every few nights. I would be lying awake at night, thinking about my day (as I always did), and suddenly, my heart rate would quicken, my breathing would become extremely erratic, and suddenly, it felt as though my mind and body were two completely separate things.

Although the actual physical symptoms were extremely minor, my mind would convince me that I was a goner. I would walk into my kitchen to get myself a glass of water, and my Mum would wake up and talk me through my breathing until I was able to settle myself down enough to go to sleep.

Not surprisingly, the HSC was a major stressor for me and brought on quite a few less-sudden ‘anxiety’ style attacks. During these, my heart rate and breathing would accelerate in a similar way to a panic attack, but I would also enter a frantic mindset where my thoughts and speech would go from completely calm to a mile a minute.

Post-high school, the attacks died down for several years.

But, after the grief and turmoil of the past year, they have returned once again.

They don’t happen too frequently right now (perhaps once a fortnight-month), but they are now a million times scarier because so much more is at stake.

And unlike most of my other posts, this one does not have a happy ending.

I am still battling these things, and I haven’t been able to seek proper help yet (partly because I don’t feel like I particularly need to).

Unfortunately, this is my life.

But if you know me, you’ll know that I like to win. And there is absolutely no way that I am going to let myself lose to this.

 

What does a panic attack feel like?

For those of you who have (luckily) never experienced a panic attack and have read about the symptoms, but can’t really imagine how it would actually feel, I’m going to spell it out for you.

Disclaimer: this account is based on my own experiences. Keep in mind that panic attacks do vary in intensity from person to person.

It begins with itty bitty pangs of a weird feeling. Gosh, was that weird.

And then you feel weird. Very, very weird.

Something isn’t right.

You need to sit down for a second.

You need to sit down now.

Your heart rate begins to accelerate, and you can feel it beating like a bass drum.

You think you need water, but when you try to drink it feels heavy, so you stop. And then you try again for good measure and the same thing happens. So you try again.

Your breathing becomes shorter. It’s like something is constricting your chest and each and every breath becomes smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until you feel like your lungs are in your throat and they might fall out.

Your head becomes fuzzy. The room begins to spin.

You think you’re going crazy.

You think you’re about to pass out.

You must be going crazy.

You must be dying.

And then it’s like you’re suddenly two separate beings.

Your body and mind are in the same place, but they’re not connected anymore.

Your mind is suddenly free, but it’s still trapped and floating around in your head.

You’re looking at yourself from an outside perspective through your own eyes.

And your head is still spinning.

And your heart is still racing.

And your breathing is slowly coming back to normal and you’re fine but you’re not fine at all.

And you are breathing totally normally but you still just can’t breathe.

And your heart rate is actually completely fine but it’s racing and you think you might be having a heart attack. Can somebody call somebody?!

And you’re not actually dizzy at all but your head is spinning and everybody is talking way too loudly and you’re going to faint.

And somebody starts talking to you and you can hear them but you’re underwater and can’t really hear them and this is so scary and what do you do?

And they ask you if you are ok and you say you will be fine but you’re actually not fine even though you technically are fine.

And they ask you what’s wrong and you tell them everything that you’re feeling but they can clearly see that you’re actually fine so they say you’re fine and you should stop being dramatic but you’re clearly not fine and something is wrong and why does nobody understand? 

Why won’t they listen to you?

And then you finally see it.

And then you slowly become fine again.

And for the next month you’re scared that it will happen to you again. And again. And again.

 

What to do if you witness somebody having a panic attack?

For starters, NEVER EVER mutter any variation of the following:

1. You’re just being dramatic.
2. What’s the matter with you?
3. Grow up.
4. Just calm down.

Firstly, the person having the panic attack has no control over it, so telling them to get over it literally does nothing but make them panic even more.

Secondly, it’s incredibly insensitive, damaging, and will probably make the person feel incredibly self-conscious and less likely to seek help if necessary.

As we’ve already discussed, every person is different, so the best policy is to calmly and quietly offer your support, and:

1. Listen to the person.
2. Stay out of their personal space.
3. Don’t do anything unless they ask you to.

 

And that, my friends, is the end of this story.

Unleashing this to the world is still quite frightening, but I feel good knowing that I can now freely talk about this without feeling embarrassed or silly.

If you are struggling with panic attacks or any mental health disorder, never forget that you are not alone and that there is always a way to get through it.

Please head over to Beyond Blue and make use of their incredible resources and free support services.