A Letter To My Teenage Self

Dear Claire,

I am you, but older, less awkward (kind of), and wiser.

Knowing full well that you will not take any of this on board, I felt it was necessary to drop the mic on you a little bit.

I am 21. I have seen you through childhood, through your teen years, and through university (yes, you do get in. Yay for you). And as much as I love looking back at the monstrosity that you are with a laugh, I also feel that you need a bit of a wake-up call.

You see, I know you think you understand the meaning of life, but you really don’t. And I’m sorry to break it to you, but you won’t understand it at 21 either.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Why should I take advice from someone who doesn’t have everything together?”.

But listen here, young know-it-all. I may not know life yet, but I certainly know you. I know how you think. I know your deepest, darkest fears and exactly why they keep you awake at night.

But most importantly, I have the answers to the questions that will be a source of constant mind flailing for the next few years.

So listen up, kiddo. You’ve got a lot to learn.

Lesson 1: Deal with it.

Sorry to break it to you, but some people just don’t like you. And unfortunately, as hard as you try to change their minds, they will never like you.

Instead of pestering them in an effort to find out why so that you can start acting differently, can you pretty please just try to get over it?

Put it this way; if you continue on this path, you are going to develop a pattern of taking the blame whenever someone wrongs you. And as hard as you try, you will never be able to break it.

So if you could just not, that would be fab.

Lesson 2: Faith.

You currently believe that if you tell anyone that you are a Christian, every single one of your peers will hunt you down with pitchforks in the playground.

I can confirm, that you are mistaken.

Your faith is a huge part of who you are, and denying that it exists will only hurt you in the long run. People are much more accepting than you think. And those that aren’t, are not the kind of people that you need in your life anyway.

Lesson 3: Opinions.

Stop holding back your opinions.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you do and do not want, and people will respect you much more if you stop biting your tongue to please them.

Having a preference does not make you unkind, and the sooner you realise it, the better.

Lesson 4: Boys.

Because of your actions, young Claire, you are still single at 21. If you want to change your fate, here’s what you need to know.

I know you will do nothing but laugh when you read this, but boys don’t find you as repulsive as you think they do. In fact, some of them will message you in ten years time to let you know that they fancied you (or at the very least, they stared at your derriere for the entirety of high school).

So, please (I beg of you) use this to your advantage. Talk to them, knowing that you’re not the only one with weak knees and a brain that is turning to mush.

Please try to flirt, at least a little bit. If you don’t, you will try to do it as an adult and fail miserably every time.

Lesson 5: Boys (The Sequel).

On that note, try to develop the skill of saying ‘no’.

Your perpetual need to be seen as “nice” will do nothing but hurt your dating life.

Not a single boy will ask you on a date in high school (unless, of course, you change your ways- see ‘Lesson 4’), but at the very least, please practice this skill with your peers.

If someone asks you do to something that you don’t want to do, don’t say “it’s not really my thing”, “sorry, but I’d rather not”, or “oh, haha, um, haha, probably not, ahaha, maybe next time”. Just say “no”. It’s that easy.

Because one day, when you have the horrific task of rejecting a boy, your inability to be completely honest with him will do nothing but hurt both of you. If you leave the teeniest inkling that you might change your mind, he will run with it, and ask you at least 14 more times, which will not be fun for you, or him.

One big rejection is easier than 14 small ones.

Lesson 6: Self-worth.

I know that hearing this will change absolutely nothing and you are destined for a life of insecurity, but you are really not as ugly as you think you are. And if you continue to tell yourself that you are, you are going to create another dark pattern.

For the three biggest years of your young life, this complex will affect you in so many ways.

When anyone compliments the way you look, you won’t be able to accept it without trying to convince the person that they’re wrong.

When people compliment your intelligence, you will lie awake at night convincing yourself that there’s nothing else to like about you.

And when people don’t compliment you, you will momentarily feel joy for being ‘correct’, before feeling sad that they didn’t.

But what you need to know, is that people are always going to have things to say about you (positive and negative), but their words don’t define who you are.

What does, is how you handle them.

If you work on developing your resilience early, you will be much better equipped to deal with what the world is going to throw at you.

Lesson 7: Life is crazy.

The world is never going to be a walk in the park.

You are going to experience trauma like you have never imagined. You will be hurt, confused, and for a while, completely broken. But out of the brokenness, will come a much better you.

Life will teach you how to deal with hatred.

Time will teach you how to speak your mind.

Experiences will teach you how to talk to boys without making a (complete) fool of yourself.

Growing up will teach you to appreciate yourself, and see the good in who you are.

And through it all, God will have your back. With His help, you are going to be ok.

 

Good luck,

Claire.

P.s. Don’t be ashamed of the way you spend your Friday nights. One day, your constant avoidance of social events will reveal your passion. And boy, is it amazing.