Let’s Talk: Body Confidence

It’s no secret that literally E V E R Y O N E on this planet has struggled with body confidence at some point in their life.

My body image has seen many ups and downs over the years, and if I said I’d made it to the end of that rollercoaster, I’d be lying to you.

In spite of that, the one thing that I have learned, is that the root cause of the problem has never actually been my own thoughts about my body- it’s been worrying about what other people might think of my body. And sadly, after years and years of having society’s ideals drilled into my brain, that’s not something I can simply ‘stop doing’.

In saying that, growing up and having to deal with grown-up things has come with quite a few perks- one being a completely new mindset that has helped me to discredit everything that I used to think about my body.

Today, in the hope that it might help some of you, I’ve decided to share these lessons.

1. Body shapes are NOT trends.

Over my (almost) 21 years of life, I have seen society’s idea of the ‘perfect’ body change so many times- and I myself, have been subject to both scrutiny and praise because of it.

I went from being made fun of for my sizeable posterior as a preteen to being complimented and catcalled for it as a young adult- all because society decided it was time to shake things up.

And for so many years, I let those demands rule me.

But listen here, folks.

I will NEVER EVER EVER try to conform to what the fashion industry deems to be an ‘acceptable’ body type, and neither should you.

God made us all different for a reason, after all.

2. Clothing is numerically sized- you are not.

I don’t think a number exists for the amount of times I have walked into a changing room to try something on, only to find out that not a single size 12 garment is actually a size 12, and that this so-called ‘foolproof’ numerical sizing system is actually a Rubik’s cube neatly housed inside some Houdini-like contraption, filled with the blood, sweat and tears of every woman on this planet.

But one day, as I stood in a dressing room trying to squeeze my way into a pair of AWFUL skinny jeans, I looked at myself in the mirror and had one of those movie-like epiphanies.

These jeans are a size 12. These jeans are a size 10. These jeans are a size 14.

And I am just Claire.

These jeans are supposed to fit me- I am not supposed to fit into them.

I am who I am- measurements are really just measurements.

Don’t get caught up in the measurements, because they really don’t mean anything.

3. Fitted clothing is NOT an invitation.

Once I got over the physical changes that came with growing up and started to own being a ‘woman’, my clothing choices became progressively more experimental.

My personal style is usually quite modest, but on the rare occasions that I actually feel kind of good about myself, I thoroughly enjoy stepping out of my comfort zone and being a little bit more daring.

But with that, comes an onslaught of comments from men.

I won’t embarrass them by revealing the things that have been thrown my way, but let’s just say, I have unleashed the beast a few times to get the following points across.

I do not tailor my outfits to cater to what a group of hypothetical men might hypothetically like to see me in so that they may hypothetically give me attention.

My clothing was not purchased to ‘lure in’ unsuspecting males or garner relentlessly persistent Instagram DMs.

And wearing fitted clothing is NOT an invitation for you to treat me like a doormat.

I am a human being in track pants and dorky t-shirts, and I am a human being in bodycon dresses and heels.

So please just let me live (and stop making me feel uncomfortable on the one day of the year when I actually do feel comfortable).

4. Confidence isn’t equal to perfection.

This is fairly self-explanatory, but throughout my teen years, I often found myself stuck in a spiral of thoughts that convinced me that I wasn’t ‘qualified’ to be confident because I was not ‘perfect’ enough- and as an adult, I realise just how messed up that is.

The thing that I failed to recognise back then, is that the most attractive people on this planet have insecurities just like the rest of us, but because they are confident in spite of those insecurities, the world follows doesn’t bat an eyelash.

Once I realised this, I progressively stopped trying to stop myself from smiling, and even though I haven’t completely let go of my insecure tendencies, I’ve finally been able to accept the parts of my body that I don’t love for what they are- and apparently, that shows.

5. Your worth isn’t physical.

My self worth has never (and will never) be defined by the way I look- and neither is yours.

Not to be all Total Girl™, but who you are on the inside really is the only thing that counts.

Whether you’ve come to terms with it or not, the way look will change dramatically over the course of your life, but the essence of your character will stay with you forever.

My question to you is- would you rather people remember you for having a killer body for 10 years, or for being a good person for 80?

Of course, staying active and healthy is extremely important, but at the end of the day, looking good 24/7 really means bugger all if you don’t take the heart that God blessed you with and do good with it.

From this day forward, you have a choice.

You can choose to spend every minute of every day obsessing over every ‘flaw’ and trying to change everything about yourself.

Or, you can own what you have, stop worrying about the opinions of others, and live your life.

I know what I’m choosing.