Things are about to get very personal, and I’m so ready for it.
This is a topic that seems to arise A LOT in my personal life. My extended family questions me about it constantly, and if I ever mention it to an acquaintance, they typically find it incredibly strange.
Unlike many of my other posts, I’m not writing this with any kind of important purpose. This story won’t necessarily ‘help’ anyone else, and unlike my ‘Relationship Chat’ post, it’s not being written as a form of self-defence.
I’m really only sharing this because talking about the depths of my mind and the meaning of life are things that I really enjoy doing. I like getting to know people on a deeper level and hearing about the different ways in which people make life decisions. And even though this probably sounds quite weird, I like to live my life in a way that challenges people’s perceptions of themselves.
So here we go.
I am 20 years old, and I have never had a boyfriend.
I’ve had quite a few crushes in my day.
I’ve been the subject of other people’s crush a few times.
But for 20 years, I have chosen to stay single.
Now, I know that to most of you, this probably sounds absolutely ridiculous.
To some of you, this sparks curiosity.
And to a select few of you, this is a no-brainer.
I’m writing this post for all of you. I want you to question what the world has taught you. And I want you to understand that it isn’t abnormal.
So, why have I made this choice?
Conveniently, there are five key reasons.
1. I wanted to grow up without the influence of a significant other
The people who question my choices typically say something along the lines of:
“By not being in a high school relationship, you’re missing out on the crucial life experiences of being in love and being heartbroken.”
And that’s an ideology that quite honestly, irks me.
Growing up is a beautiful thing.
You’re changing and learning every single day, and everything that you experience has the potential to be life-changing- and that’s exactly why I wanted to experience it by myself.
Not being tied to a boy throughout my high school years was the by far the best decision that my pea-brained adolescent self made.
I got to focus on my school work and achieving my goals, but I also got to form my belief system and identity without the influence of someone else (and that’s not to say that having a high school boyfriend is detrimental to your growth- I just personally felt more at ease and content on my own).
And to be perfectly honest, I feel incredibly lucky that I never received that ‘crucial life experience’. I mean, who really wants to be heartbroken anyway?
2. I don’t want a ‘better half’
More recently, (thanks to this series by Transformation Church) I’ve been thinking a lot about singleness and it’s importance.
Thanks to social ideals and pop culture, we have the tendency to view romantic relationships as ‘the connection of two halves’ where one individual ‘fills in the blanks’ for the other and vice versa.
If we subscribe to this view, we tend to spend our single years on a constant search for the person that will ‘complete’ us or bring us everything that we need to feel ‘whole’.
But that’s not something I want.
I view my future husband and I as two ‘complete’, ‘whole’ people who love each other.
And even though ‘complete’ is subjective and I’ll never really know if I’ve ‘reached wholeness’, it feels as though growing up without a boyfriend has given me the advantage of feeling completely content on my own.
And because of that, I’m now open to finding myself a man (but I’m also in absolutely no rush).
3. I’m weird
Alternate heading: Why boys don’t like me.
Not to be all Jughead Jones, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t want to fit in.
My brain is a mind-bogglingly strange place.
I’m constantly analysing everything around me.
I think very complicated thoughts.
Once you get to know me, the conversations we have will be so deep that you’ll probably start screaming “get her away from me” and never speak to me again.
When I ask people why they think I’m single, I get the same two responses every time:
- When people don’t know me very well, they say it’s because I’m shy and don’t leave the house very often.
- When people know me VERY well, they say it’s because most young men can’t be bothered to attempt to understand me.
And if I’m being 100% real with you, I really don’t blame them.
4. I need to be challenged
And here it is; my biggest dating struggle.
It’s one thing to be able to handle my crazy thought processes, but it’s a whole other thing to be able to keep them running.
Keeping me entertained for a long period of time is a very difficult job, so much so that I tend to rule out potential suitors rather quickly because of it.
Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m easily ‘bored’ per se- it’s more that I always need something new to figure out (which I know isn’t a good thing).
It’s definitely something that I’m working on, but for now, all I can say is that I don’t want to subject my true self to anyone unless I’m sure they can handle it- and so far, I haven’t had any luck.
5. I want a white picket fence
And last but not least, at the age of 12, I promised myself that I would always date with the goal of marriage in mind.
Many of the people in my life have shared horror stories about their past relationships. Many of them have had struggles that I couldn’t even imagine having to deal with. And many of them wish they could go back and make different choices.
Even though there is absolutely no way to guarantee that a relationship will last forever, I would rather be single for another ten years if it means that I will have a marriage like my parents and grandparents.
I want to find the man that will give me the happily ever after that I’ve waited so long for.
And no matter how much criticism I face from the world, I’m never going to throw away that purpose.
To all the boys and girls out there who are either staying single by choice or have just ended a relationship, my heart goes out to you.
No matter what happens, remember that you are enough.
You are capable of greatness.
And you will always be loved.
Be patient and content, and your time will come.
Until next time, 😉
