For the past 24 months, I have fallen victim to constant unsolicited advice regarding my non-existent love life. Today, I want to deliver my rebuttal in a way that cannot be interrupted.
If you clicked on this post thinking that it would include some juicy stories or a string of shady comments towards a long list of lads, I suggest that you exit this page now, or you’ll be incredibly disappointed.
For those that clicked on this post because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say (firstly, thanks), here are the three pieces of context you need:
- I am a complete introvert.
- I have never been in a relationship.
- I am not at all bothered by the fact that I have never been in a relationship. But for whatever odd reason, there are many people out there who are very bothered by the fact that I have never been in a relationship.
Now, I’m not talking about my close family and friends who engage in friendly banter about my perpetual single-ness; I’m talking about people who don’t REALLY know me, but feel the need to question me about it and/or comment on it constantly.
Over the years, I’ve received comments that have made me cringe, roll my eyes, scream internally, scream externally, and on the odd occasion, cry. And although the delivery method for each comment has been largely different, the main messages I hear hit three main points.
1. “Get out more.”
Firstly, why are you assuming that I don’t “get out”?
Secondly, I currently attend University, I work, I am an editor at my University’s magazine, and I voluntarily run the website that you’re reading right now. Pardon me if I would rather spend my free time doing anything but sitting awkwardly in a nightclub hoping that the love of my life will burst into the room and sweep me off my feet.
Thirdly, I have no interest in setting foot in a nightclub or bar, because it’s not an atmosphere that I personally feel comfortable or safe in; and that’s perfectly ok.
Moral of the story; thanks for insinuating that being myself isn’t enough, but I’m just fine spending my time building a career.
2. “Date every person you can.”
Good idea. Leading people on is one of the best feelings in the world (second to diving into a cactus).
3. “There’s something wrong with you.”
Even though I don’t care about being single 90% of the time, there are certainly days where I start to feel a bit sorry for myself.
Whether this statement is delivered as is, or subliminally, it’s absolutely never ok.
The value of a person has never been and will never be determined by their relationship status.
Even though I can (and do) defend myself when something like this is said, there is a small chunk of my brain that will not be able to let it go for at least a little while.
And on those days where I start to wonder why boys don’t like me, I will be reminded of your comment, and for a moment, I will feel even worse about myself.
Words like these serve as a constant reminder of my failures, and I can’t say that’s at the top of my wish list.
I don’t like speaking for other people, but I’m sure the majority of single people out there will stand by me when I say that I would prefer it if you didn’t comment on my love life until I ask for your input.
And this doesn’t just apply to the whole ‘relationship chat’ dynamic.
The truth is, you never know what someone might be going through behind closed doors. And if that person is seeking to spend time with you, it’s probably to take their mind off whatever is going on; not to be constantly questioned and reminded of their heartache.
Until next time, 😉
