As yet another semester of university has reached its conclusion, it’s time for your bi-annual hit of ‘Claire reflects on her experiences and passes it off as mediocre advice’.
Logically, I have changed quite a bit over my two decades of life, but the last five months in particular have seen a great deal of personal growth. If you read my post called ‘Goodbye Lemons’ many moons ago, you’ll know that my family and I have battled grief, illness, and a LOT of social judgement stemming from small town dynamics over the past year, but I am happy to report that we’ve reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, before said light was in reaching distance, I felt myself being tested in a multitude of ways.
Firstly, I was forced to face my previously suppressed unhappiness and subsequently poor state of mental health head on. Without the tasks of university and Blogmas to keep me distracted, I had no other choice but to look at my demons in the eyes and figure out a way of demolishing them.
When this battle was combined with a full time study load, “Hurricane Claire’s Frustrated Mind” created a path of destruction through my whole life. My friendships were tested, my family dynamic was tested, and my motivation was at an all time low.
A few weeks in, I realised that if I kept going, I would be at the tail end of the semester with no friends, no support network, and likely shameful grades. So I decided that it was in my best interest to drop a course and try to take things easy to get my life back on track.
The decision wasn’t taken lightly, but it definitely turned out to be the best that I could have made. The stress of the semester didn’t exactly decline (in fact, it only escalated), but each day I was able to take a bit of time to sort myself out.
I’ve since finished the semester with grades that I’m very proud of, become a writer/editor at my University’s magazine and blog, and the relationships I have with my family and friends are now stronger than ever before.
But that’s not what this post is about.
Something that I’ve never understood, is why choosing yourself is so often perceived as ‘cowardly’.
Firstly, I feel that I need to preface this with a clear distinction of what I’m talking about. When I say ‘choosing you’, I don’t mean throwing in the towel out of sheer laziness or fear. In this case, to put it plain and simply; you’re a quitter (I’m not exempt from this either- I almost dropped all of my courses in one day because I was overwhelmed with stress and couldn’t see past it, and for 24 hours nobody could convince me otherwise…. sorry family!).
What I’m referring to here, is choosing to spend your time on bettering yourself and seeking happiness, rather than burying yourself in added stress and detrimentally affecting your mental health.
The stigma that still surrounds mental illness is honestly pretty alarming, and one that I am frankly tired of. Exhibit A: If an individual is diagnosed with cancer and decides to put their employment on hold to complete their treatment, the world understands and offers their support. If an individual is diagnosed with depression and decides to put their employment on hold to complete their treatment, society shuns them. It’s a cruel world.
If you find yourself facing a similar dilemma to me, here are a few (unprofessional) recommendations that I have developed:
1. Does their opinion ACTUALLY matter?
Asking people for advice is definitely a helpful way to assist in the decision making process, especially if you’re really stuck on the fence.
However, before taking said people’s advice on board, it’s important to ask yourself how much their opinion actually matters to you.
If the person will not be affected by the choice you make in any way, it’s pretty safe to say you can trust their unbiased advice. In the opposite case, you should probably take the advice with a grain of salt.
2. Follow your heart
Yeah yeah, I know, very cheesy. But there is good reason that the saying has stood the test of time.
Your head isn’t always the most reliable source- sleep deprivation, hormones and your lifestyle can heavily affect what plays out in your noggin, but your heart will never lie to you. You are capable of a lot more than what you think, and no matter what, giving up the fight should never be an option.
My best tip is to take some time to map out where your thoughts and feelings are coming from. This will help you to understand the situation on a deeper level, and in a lot of cases, make the correct answer clear as day.
3. Trust yourself
You are the only person that knows you. No matter how close you are to anyone else, what goes on inside your head and heart is something that only you know.
If you feel confident in your decision, it’s the best one for you.
4. But also, listen
By the same token, your friends and family typically understand you pretty well. If your decision is a major one and literally everyone in your life is telling you that you’re making the wrong one, there’s probably some logic behind it and you probably shouldn’t ignore them- which leads me to my final point.
5. Time. Time. Time.
Knee-jerk reactions lead to poor choices.
If the decision you’re making will affect your future in any way, spend as much time as possible to make it. There’s a reason universities give you a week to decide if you will accept their offer and enrol, and there’s a reason employers give you time to decide if you’d like to be their employee. Use it.
But no matter what, this is YOUR life, and you only get to live it once. Chasing happiness is not pointless, and if you have the courage to choose to be empowered against all odds and live your life in a way that brings you joy, all the power to you.
Good luck,
Claire.
P.s. If you are struggling, please head over to Beyond Blue‘s website and make use of their many resources. You are NEVER alone, and there is ALWAYS a better option.
