‘Summer Body’

For the majority of the human population, Summer sees quite a spike in low self esteem and body confidence.

Men and women young and old feel a great deal of pressure in the months leading up to the world’s favourite time of year to get into shape and perfect their ‘summer body’.

The media gets quite a bad wrap for inducing issues with body confidence due to the lack of diversity and representation of ‘normal’ body types. While I cannot deny that they do have an impact, that isn’t what this post is about.

I feel that the root of all insecurities lies in one of two places;

1. Constant comparison of yourself to other people.
2. A deep seeded fear of being judged by other people.

For me, it’s been a combination of both.

I started school at the age of 4, meaning I was a year younger than everyone else in my grade. In primary school, this was never really an issue, but once I got to high school it proved to be a little more challenging.

As my friends were going through all of the physical changes that come with being a teenager, I stayed exactly the same and felt extremely inadequate compared to them- so much so that I cried myself to sleep more often than I care to admit.

But when my curves finally came in a few years later, it all happened very suddenly and VERY quickly and that’s when the switch happened.

I still compared myself to my peers, but now that I was a little more womanly, I felt like everyone was judging me, so I began to hide away from the world for a totally different reason.

In particular, school swimming carnivals were always a bit of a struggle for me.

Spending time in the water is one of my favourite things to do, so I always packed my swimmers with the intent of participating with all of my friends.

But the moment I got there, I would freeze up and flat out refuse to get in the water, simply because I didn’t want people to look at me and not like what they saw. I was in such a bad place, that I willingly sacrificed potentially incredible memories with my friends because I was scared that someone might look at me funny.

As I’ve gotten older, it’s become simultaneously more difficult and significantly easier.

Now more than ever, I feel a lot of pressure to be in shape and have a ‘killer body’, but for me and 90% of females, looking like a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model isn’t exactly attainable.

I am and always will be my worst critic, and that’s something that has slowly but surely helped me to become more comfortable with my body.

I used to walk into a room and think everyone would be fixated on critiquing me, but I now know that they’re too busy worrying about their own insecurities to search for any of mine.

I can’t sit here and tell you I’m confident, because that would be a total lie. I definitely have a lot of work to do and this journey is far from finished, but I am getting there.

This Summer, I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and just go for it.

It’s dawned on me that I’m only going to be this young once, and I would much rather spend my time being silly and letting loose with my friends than standing in front of the mirror obsessing over my flaws.

I am far from perfect, but from this moment forward, I am choosing not to care.